Learning my lesson–again

3d-spiralI had this series of parenting books when my kids were little: Your One Year Old, Your Two Year Old, etc. The most useful part of them was a spiral diagram somewhat like this.

The idea was that every six months or so a young child goes through a major developmental leap, which throws all systems into chaos and turns your offspring into a possessed devil child for six months. Then things sort out and you get six months of easy-breezy rock-star-mom until the next twist of the developmental knob.

I found this diagram incredibly reassuring. Hard times pass. Good times will come. And as we cycle through all this learning and growing, we are moving upward on the spiral to greater understanding, greater patience, greater impulse control, etc. Reassuring, too because the diagram denies that we learn something once and nail it into existence of,r ever and ever. The diagram declares that we must learn and relearn our lessons, over and over, each time with greater depth and skill.

So… the end of last year and the beginning of this have been challenging. I took some heavy blows, both personal and professional. I mentioned this in my last post and it doesn’t bear belaboring. After the things (yes, I am being purposefully vague) happened, I found myself second-guessing the choices I was making in both my writing (actually words on the page choices) and the choices I was making in some interpersonal interactions.

What I want to share is this: I had to learn my lesson again. I had to keep moving up the spiral. And what was my lesson, you ask? My lesson is this:

I must trust the authority of my own vision as a writer, as a parent, and as a human. I’m not a child, who does something and then straightaway looks to Mom or Dad for approval. I’m an adult walking through this world making choices based on my values and that is authority enough.

Proceed.

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2 thoughts on “Learning my lesson–again

  1. Amber, your writing always inspires me and makes me think. Just look at your kids and know you are a great parent. Often, our worst critic is the one that lives in our head. I’ve learned to say, “shut the fuck up!”, to it. Believe me, it helps. And yes, keep making your own choices that are determined not only by your values but also by your passion and doing what you love. That is enough and just right. Keep on and know you are very loved! (By many of us out here.) xxxxxxoooooo

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