Category Archives: Writing

Dismantling Rape Culture – Downloadable Resources

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Just a quick heads up that I’ve uploaded a bunch of resources for NO MORE EXCUSES to be used in classrooms, libraries, and book clubs. All are available for download on my website as well as directly through these links:

Now let’s all get out there and dismantle rape culture together!

 

No More Excuses on the Lerner Publishing Podcast

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I was very pleased to have the opportunity to speak at length about NO MORE EXCUSES: DISMANTLING RAPE CULTURE on the Lerner Publishing podcast. I hope you’ll take a listen. It’s available at all the usual podcast places. Specific links are at the end of this post.

Because I think that this book is so critically important for our national conversation I’ve compiled some resources for using the book in book clubs, classrooms and libraries. You can access a list of Recommended Resources (related books, movies, websites, and hashtags). I’ve also prepared a downloadable Discussion Guide. And here’s are some specific actions each of us can take to make a better, safer world.

10 things you can do to dismantle rape culture

  1. Check out the websites microaggressions.com and everydaysexism.com to educate yourself on how rape culture manifests in day-to-day life.
  2. Call out toxic gender stereotypes. They hurt all of us.
  3. Pay attention to double standards—men versus women, white people versus people of color, rich versus poor, straight vs. queer. Rape culture interacts with privilege. People from marginalized groups bear the brunt of rape culture.
  4. Believe survivors. False reports are incredibly rare (only 2-8%). If you feel a knee-jerk need to dismiss a report of sexual assault, ask yourself why.
  5. Advocate for comprehensive, consent-based sex education. Abstinence-only sex education perpetuates rape culture.
  6. Educate yourself about sexual objectification in the media. Be able to separate images that empower from those that dehumanize the female body. (This is explained in detail in the book.) Also, check out the Headless Women of Hollywood.
  7. Examine your preconceived notions about romantic gestures. Check how they’re represented in movies and media. Is one partner pressuring the other? Does “no” turn into “yes”? Would the actions of any one partner be considered illegal?
  8. Shut down slut shaming, whether you are the target or a bystander. (Again, there are suggested comebacks in the book).
  9. Develop a positive relationship with your own body. (There’s a list of suggestions in the book).
  10. Learn how to talk comfortably about sex and consent with friends, family, and intimate partners. Check out my other book The V-Word: True Stories about First-Time Sex for lots of references.

Three more, specifically for men

  1. Listen to women. Don’t dismiss or minimize their experiences with harassment. Acknowledge the impact of bad behavior.
  2. Be an ally. Don’t let sexist comments slide. Consider how you can make women feel safe. Stand up if you see assault happening. (There are lots of specific suggests in the book.)
  3. Consider how toxic masculinity and rape culture have affected how you express and present yourself to the world. Do you feel compelled to conform to rigid gender stereotypes at the expense of your softer side? How has that affected your relationships with women?

 

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Read a transcript of the interview

Q3: Is POINTE, CLAW a love story?

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As POINTE, CLAW leaps into the world, I thought I might answer some questions posed by readers…

Q3: Is POINTE, CLAW a love story?

In POINTE, CLAW, I wanted to explore intimate female friendships and the way in which the lines between friend and lover can shift and blur. Friendships between women can have a depth and an intensity that is really remarkable.

In a “typical” love story (whatever that is), attraction often comes first. There’s surging physical electricity that compels two people to want to spend time together and to want to know each other better. But the reverse can be true as well. Friendship can deepen and emotional intimacy can lead to attraction and then physical intimacy.

The relationship between Jessie and Dawn in POINTE, CLAW is intense. They knew each other as children and reconnect on the verge of adulthood. They careen back together when each is at an absolutely crucial moment that will determine the course of the rest of their lives. The deep connection they share drives the choices they make moving forward.

In my mind, it is a love story, although not in the way you might think. I don’t want to say more for risk of spoilers, but let me just say that I was really happy to see POINTE, CLAW recommended by The Horn Book as a love story for Pride Month. Reviewer Katie Bircher called the book an “intense nonlinear exploration of love and loss.” Read more here.

 

 

Repeating the Ancient Tale

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On Saturday, my sweet daughter will be called to the Torah as a bat mitzvah. She will lead our community in ancient prayers and chant ancient words, and more importantly she will find her own meaning in them.

As Jews, our task is to wrestle with narrative–to preserve history, to reinterpret the past, and to write new stories that will carry us into the future. It’s a tradition that resonates with me as a writer and as a person who has seen again and again the power of stories to change lives.

Also on Saturday, in a beautiful intersection of occurrences, my next novel, POINTE, CLAW, enters the world. Somehow it seems fitting that this book, which wrestles with the challenges girls and women face in our culture, is born alongside my daughter’s passage into adulthood in the Jewish community. It’s a fierce story and she is a fierce girl.

I hope you’ll understand that I’ll be focusing on my daughter this weekend. Book celebrations will follow later in the week. I’ll be posting a series of answers to questions posed by early readers of POINTE, CLAW–some serious, some goofy, some revelatory–also I’ll be sharing a mind-blowing review by a teen reader. Lots of book events to come in Los Angeles area, the Bay Area, Portland, and Seattle. Details here.

To close, I want to leave you with one of my favorite poems. (I honestly don’t know the author. It’s been attributed to multiple people.) I’ve shared it before. These are words I return to again and again. I offer them in love.

We are simply asked
to make gentle our bruised world
to be compassionate of all,
including oneself,
then in the time left over
to repeat the ancient tale
and go the way of God’s foolish ones.

This weekend we repeat the ancient tale and go forth to make gentle this bruised world. Join us.

 

George Fletcher: The People’s Champion

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George Fletcher — Art by Wendy Myers
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George Fletcher on Long Tom

Hold onto your hats, cowgirls and cowboys! The exciting story of saddle bronc rider, George Fletcher, is out today! I am so happy to introduce OREGON READS ALOUD, a beautiful anthology of 25 stories by Oregon authors and illustrated by Oregon artists. I love this book and I love SMART: Start Making a Reader Today and I love horses and I love George Fletcher! It’s a win all the way around. Grab a copy and snuggle up on the couch with your favorite little person for OREGON READS ALOUD!

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Do you remember reading FOREVER by Judy Blume?

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ForeverDo you remember reading FOREVER? If you, like me, were a teen in the 80s or 90s, Judy Blume’s depiction of teenage love and first time sex was monumentally important. We’d never read anything like it—realistic sex where nothing bad happened to the teens involved.

There is a lot more sexual content out there now, but teens, especially teen girls, are still turning to young adult novels for information. This is one of the reasons that my new anthology THE V-WORD includes a Q & A with teen librarian Kelly Jensen about portrayals of teen sexuality in media.

In a wide ranging conversation, we talk about the best depictions of arousal, body image, gender identity, female masturbation, queer sex, straight sex, rape culture, and enthusiastic consent. Throughout, Kelly recommends go-to titles for teens who want to know more about these issues.

In a recent review on NetGalley, Melanie P. wrote:

I also loved the Q&A after the seventeen essays in this book. Kelly Jensen’s answers are so amazing, and I aspire to be more like her. She is so strong, and such an amazing voice for every young woman out there. I can’t recommend this book enough, just for the Q&A session at the end alone. I truly do believe with all my heart that this is a book all young girls would benefit from reading, because this book explores what schools and other outside sources are not going to teach you.

If you want to know more, check out this great article in the Huffington Post called 8 Books That Don’t Sugarcoat Teen Sexuality and of course look for THE V-WORD at your nearest bookstore.

Add it to your Goodreads list
At Simon & Schuster, Barnes & Noble, or Amazon

It’s time to talk about sex and virginity and voice

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Recently you may have noticed a plethora of posts from me that feature a beautiful book with a canoe on it…

I know, I know!

I’ve been talking a lot about THE WAY BACK FROM BROKEN. It’s not every day I get to publish a novel, especially one that is drawn from such a personal and painful place. It’s been humbling and inspiring and amazing to share the book and to hear from readers, and you’ve all been very indulgent of my shameless self-promotion. Thank you!

However, if you are tired of hearing about leeches and portages, you might be excited to know that change is coming…

BIG CHANGE…

Drumroll, please…VW_front

I have a new book coming out on February 2nd and it has nothing to do with canoeing or grief (well, maybe a bit of grief).

THE V-WORD is an anthology of personal essays by women about first-time sexual experiences. The women who have written for this collection are smart and funny and insightful and phenomenally honest. I can not wait to share their stories with you.

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Talking honestly about sex is the best way to help young women find and use their voices in intimate encounters.

Our goal in laying it all out there is to give teens a broad perspective on what real sex is like—sometimes awesome, sometimes not so much. The landscape of sexual experiences is broad, and we hope our experiences will help young women to chart their own course and claim their own sexual agency. After all, they are the ones who should be in charge of this journey.

So you can expect to hear me blabbing for awhile about THE V-WORD. I hope you’ll help me get this book into the hands of readers who need it.  Thank you, my friends!

 

“Rare in its honesty” — a review from School Library Journal

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“Rare in its honesty…No easy answers…Sincere existential questioning…”

IMG_1433I am so touched by the review of THE WAY BACK FROM BROKEN that appears in School Library Journal this month. What an amazing sensation to realize that the book does what I’d hoped it would do in the hands of a reader. Only a few more weeks and THE WAY BACK FROM BROKEN will be available everywhere. I can hardly believe it!

From School Library Journal (Sept 1, 2015):

Rare in its honesty, this novel tells a poignant story of loss, grief, and recovery. Fifteen-year-old Rakmen’s infant sister dies in his arms, and his family unravels. He accompanies his mother to a support group, where he encounters his unstable teacher, Leah, who’s grieving the loss of her stillborn son, and her young daughter, Jacey. The little girl clings to Rakmen for protection from her mother’s bizarre behavior. The problem: so soon after the death of his own baby sister, Rakmen is not emotionally ready or willing to act as a big brother to the young girl. Summer approaches, and Rakmen’s parents, ignoring his protestations, send him off to spend several weeks at Leah’s slovenly Canadian lake cabin. Yet his parents underestimate Leah’s grief. Is he supposed to babysit Jacey, his teacher, or both? “It’s too heavy for me,” says Rakmen, not only referring to the canoe he carries by the lake. The trio go au large—into the wilderness, the unknown—for three weeks of hiking, canoeing, and sleeping in tents. Despite the familiar themes of “man vs. nature” and “man finds himself,” Keyser spares readers clichés. The characters raise questions to which there are no easy answers, or no pleasant ones, and Keyser wisely allows that. Rakmen learns that life can be excruciating as well as hopeful, and readers will be pleased when his story ends on an optimistic note. This debut novel works on many levels: it presents well-developed characters, a solid story arc, and scenes of rugged survivalism.

VERDICT A subtly touching tale of liberation from grief that, with its sincere existential questioning, will stay with readers and may leave teens feeling the urge to go au large themselves.

–Laura Falli, McNeil High School, Austin, TX

The Way Back From Broken – Cover & Contest

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When you’re running whitewater, there’s a moment just before entering the rapids when the world stills. The canoe seems to hang in the air above the smooth tongue of green water that leads into the roiling waves. At that moment, it’s too late to be afraid, and there is a crisp, focused moment of joy.

Now is that moment.

Way Back from BrokenThis is the cover for THE WAY BACK FROM BROKEN, which releases on October 1st from Carolrhoda Lab. This novel holds both my heart and my history, and I am so grateful to be able to share it with you.

I have in my hands an advance copy of the book, and I am going to give it away to one of you.  If you sign up for my newsletter (which I send every 2 months or so), “like” my Facebook author page, or follow me on Twitter, I will enter your name in the giveaway. Do all three, and you’ve got three chances to win and be one of the first to read THE WAY BACK FROM BROKEN.

And more than that, you’ll have my gratitude for joining me in the rapids and helping me find the way back.

Be All There

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Sometimes I hit social media like a rat hits a pleasure bar. Treat me. Treat me. Lots of uncertainty in my life these days. I blogged about it here and here. I turn to Facebook and Twitter hoping for something funny, something sweet, connection, and I confess, a bit of validation.

The result… I struggle to get into the flow space I need for writing to be fun and fluid and fast. I march. I drudge. I write the words and meet the goals. But it doesn’t feel good. To get the writer’s high, I need to really be in the story not grubbing around online hoping someone will tell me I’m smart and cute.

So here’s the reminder… for myself and for you.

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